Q My year-old nephew, who is straight, was in a play last year. It was a very positive experience. The only problem is one of the theater group's fans, who is 50 and gay, befriended my sister and seems to be fixated on my nephew: I would like you to weigh in on this situation, Dan. Other family members share my suspicions, but we're afraid to say anything to my sister because she has a temper. Should I go ahead and tell my sister and brother-in-law that I think the guy is attracted to my nephew?
A Thanksgiving I thought something was off about that guy. But I didn't say anything at the time because I was afraid your mom would yell at me. So, um, pass the yams? Unless you're looking forward to making an apology like that after your nephew confronts his whole family for failing to protect him when he was a child, AWA, you should speak the fuck up.
Talk to your sister, temper be damned, and talk to your nephew, too. Your sister could be color-blind in addition to being an anger bomb—prone to rages and incapable of seeing red flags—and it's possible that your nephew already told his mother that this man makes him uncomfortable and got yelled at himself. Firmly raise your concerns, AWA, but don't make accusations.
You may not have all the information. It's possible that this man has no sexual interest in your nephew. It's also possible that your nephew is gay, recently came out to his mother and father but wasn't ready to come out to his extended family, and this man is mentoring your nephew at your sister's request. But even so, fiftysomething gay men do not invite year-old boys to sleepovers for the same reason fiftysomething straight men don't invite year-old girls to sleepovers: In my opinion, the invite itself is a mentor-disqualifying display of piss-poor judgment.
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Showing 1- 3 of 3. Add a comment. Switch to the mobile version of this page. The Chicago Reader. Speak up, AWA. Related Stories. Comments 3. Showing 1- 3 of 3 Add a comment. Subscribe to this thread:. By Email. With RSS. More by Dan Savage. Focusing too much on friends. Another major mistake new gay couples make during the first year of dating relates to friends. The conventional advice suggests that you should not abandon friendships when you start dating someone new. There is, however, a flip-side that is often not discussed but just as important — focusing too much on friendships.
Those first six-months to a year of seeing someone requires that the two of you spend quality time together. If the focus is on constantly needing to be entertained by others, you or your man seriously need to consider if there exists a fear of intimacy. Competing with one another.
Generally speaking, men are a competitive bunch. Gay men in particular can be very competitive, especially when it comes to getting the attention of other gay men.
It is just the reality of the gay community sub-culture. This point is not being made to pass judgment but instead to acknowledge a simple truth. Competing with one another can present itself in many forms, including physical appearance aka looks and clothing.
While some of this is to be expected, over-competing should serve as a warning sign of challenges around self-esteem. Financial compatibility.
During the honeymoon phase of a relationship, which generally lasts about six-months, it is super easy to overlook major differences. One important area relates to finances. Here, we are talking about how much money each person makes in the relationship as well as their level of debt. At the end of the day, money is what is needed to pay the bills, buy a home, and save for the future.
If one of you makes significantly less money than the other, it can spell trouble. The same holds true if you or your man are in serious financial debt.
Q I am the father of a recently out year-old gay boy. Here's the problem: My son is in a relationship with a year-old guy. I'm not OK with. How to navigate gay dating - If you are a middle-aged woman looking to have a good time dating man half your age, this advertisement is for you. Is the number.
Opening up the relationship too fast. It is no secret that many people, including gay men, have agreements to be in open relationships. To a greater or lesser degree, gay couples seem more comfortable about this construct than others.
For many same sex couples, this arrangement works out just fine, provided certain ground rules are set with mutually agreed upon boundaries. Polyamory can also be an option for some gay men. The decision to have a threesome or to engage in one on one activity in the absence of your man should not be taken lightly. Once that horse is out of the barn, it cannot be put back in. New gay couples who move too quickly for an open relationship run the risk of disabling intimacy, increasing insecurity and damaging self-esteem.
If you can identify with some or all of what has been mentioned here, you may benefit from learning more a about the unique dynamics involved in gay relationships. A great book to read authored by Jim Sullivan is: Boyfriend Inside you will find page after page of useful information that will help you gain a better understanding of how to set your relationship up for long term success.
One other resource we would like to recommend is our relationship report card.
It only takes a few minutes to complete. This assessment can be used as a tool to help you gauge the general health and strength of the gay relationship you are in right now. The desire to be in a relationship and publicly identify as a gay couple is probably something you have long desired. If you have been in long-term relationships in the past, you already know how coupledom can be.
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