Who cares if they like a body that isn't similar to theirs? Take a lesson from straight people and just enjoy what you like.
By definition we can't like bodies exactly like ours Because that would mean we're gay! I'm wondering whether LW's preferred sexual encounters match well with his preferred relationships. A natural worshiper would presumably thrive on partners who were "way out of his league". I'm willing to cut the LW some slack because I do believe issues are real and that they can do a number on you. But "triggering" always has a tinge of indulgence to me. Someone mentions his haircut and he's triggered?
That feels like a situation that he created. The only person in my whole life that has suggested a haircut to me is my mother, and then it was usually to get something shorter or less teased or less blue yes, when I was a teenager in the 80's. On another note, I remember the allure of the muscle guy. It seemed like all the porn when I was young featured muscly, hairless robots that were waiting to be worshipped.
I thought that's what we were all supposed to be and want.
Hot Muscle Dudes Make This Skinny Guy Feel Bad About His Body. . Why gay men so obsessed with types and classifications? . way he can avoid being " triggered" by food talk, even if he does start dating average Joes. Hot Muscle Dudes Make This Skinny Guy Feel Bad About His Body. I am a year-old cis gay man living in the midwest and I could really use lot of long deep conversations involved, it's more of an issue for my dating life.
It took years for me to realize that a fat guy had different and wonderful things to offer, like not feeling like a bag of elbows when I touched him. Something else you can learn to do--with your therapist, because this will take time--is to be compassionate to yourself. Self-compassion is not the same thing as self-esteem So you aren't a big muscle guy? What is there physically about you that is good? What else about you besides your body is good? THAT is what those other dudes are seeing.
Your laundry list of flaws exists only in your head. You don't have to air it where everyone else can see. Another thing that jumped out at me was you liking the physical bodies of very muscular men, but their conversations diets, exercise routines, etc BORE YOU. They bore you and they upset you, which isn't exactly how I would want to spend my time if I were in their shoes.
That leaves you with a couple of options:. Meet them to fuck, not as potential boyfriend material. As Dan said the other day, everyone gets laid, nobody gets hurt, yahtzee. Look for muscular men who have interests other than the gym. Both 1 and 2. Finally, if you're not on medication for anything, you might discuss that with your therapist. Meds aren't for everyone and they may not be right for you. If you do have a neurochemical imbalance, though, any work you do will be much more productive if you get the physical issues taken care of your brain chemistry and you can focus on training yourself how to deal with your problems without the extra burden of physical issues.
As a recovering anorexic, if you have not discussed nutritional deficiencies with your doctor, you might consider that too. B12 in particular has neurological effects, and magnesium is tied to anxiety. I like muscly guys too. I have a special place in my heart for a former partner who was an MMA fighter and just beautiful to look at and enjoy. That said, if you put all my partners in a room, you'd have a hard time figuring out a "type". Ultimately, the allure is the whole person and good-looking is not the same thing as attractive.
So enjoy your ripped guys and keep reminding yourself are worthy of love and pleasure. Tell yourself that until it sinks into your bones and you know it. But, as Corydon 2 so beautifully says, when you meet people, look at the whole person, just as you want to be seen as a whole person. I applaud you in fighting your eating disorder and body image problems.
That's no easy road and here you are, battling every day, getting the help you need and I just hope you recognize that real strength is so much more than big biceps. If anyone says something about diet or body shape or anything that puts you in a bad place, I suggest being very matter-of-fact about it: How 'bout those Mets?
No shame and a smooth re-direct to allow any awkwardness to fade away. I can be shy so having a few practiced things to say for those awkward times really helps. Good advice Dan. Practicing this with a therapist could help the LW. I'm commenting specifically how gay men put everyone in sa little group: It sounds exhausting.
Woah, mind blown! What if, like, nobody used labels and we were all like, you know, just, like, doing our thing? Far out! The good news is, you will be getting older every day, and most likely gaining weight. You can build up muscle, or go smooth. You should have an eating program which provides for your nutrition. Be consistent day after day, that is the main thing. Good luck! I'm an old fat guy with broad tastes in men - and some young muscle jocks find me seriously attractive and demonstrate that in ways which are impossible to fake.
It's a lesson in other men's tastes - their taste in men is often not at all your taste in men, so there will be muscled jocks who are looking for men exactly like you. What you need to learn to get yourself out of all this is fairly simple, although it may not be easy. Instead of comparing what they like to what you like, or comparing yourself to your idea of what you should look like, learn to just say "Thanks! Whether or not you find yourself attractive is irrelevant unless you're masturbating in front of a mirror.
It just doesn't matter. At all.
What matters is the other guy's taste in men, and when you match what they are looking for, just say "Thanks" and enjoy them. This can be a very hard lesson to learn - fortunately, you can pretend to have learned it until it sinks in. Start just saying "Thanks" and pretending to let them have their own opinions about your looks. That's much better than trying to convince them that they are mistaken when they think you're hot. For those men, how you look is a positive thing which would be spoiled if you became a more stereotyped muscle guy. I know my fans are mainly attracted to old fat guys, and most of them don't find muscle jocks attractive at all.
If I became an old fit muscle guy, I'd lose most of my current fans. It sounds like you do a lot of comparing of yourself to some ideal. What good has that ever brought you? He is attracted to men who spend a lot of time getting their bodies to look a certain way. Their bodies are their hobby. And everyone talks about their hobbies, so these guys are going to talk about diet and exercise. And get some therapy because everyone eats and so there's no way he can avoid being "triggered" by food talk, even if he does start dating average Joes.
Hell, most actual dates involve a meal!
So he's either doomed to hookups only or he's gonna have to suck it up har har and deal with his own body and food issues. Which he should do regardless. And yeah, I know I'm the wrong gender, but some of us who like men prefer skinny dudes to muscled ones, so there's that to keep in mind.
Yes joking, some straight men are fussy and a great many have body issues. Now you know, Dirtygerty! Sexual preferences aside People who live in the gym, mostly talk about the gym. And while that can be interesting initially, they eventually start talking at you like they are coaching you. They're not trying to convert you, they're into you, LW, but it takes a certain personality to remain dedicated to the gym.
I am actually a very romantic person, which makes all of this extremely difficult for me and my dating life.
Is it wrong for me to be so captivated by such a shallow form of masculinity? Or am I just another product of our cultures inclination towards men who are bigger and stronger? Or am I just being stupid? The Pigeon Guts Speak: Who knows why you are the way you are? In fact, fetishes are so common that psychiatrists now consider them part of the normal spectrum of human sexuality. In other words, you also have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of or feel stupid about. Be proud! Celebrate the fact that there is something in this world that moves you.
Although it must be said that if this fetish is literally making it difficult for you to function in the world, there are both cognitive and medical treatments to control your feelings that you could explore with a therapist. As for wanting to date a man like this, you have nothing to apologize for here either. This idea that we should all be equally attracted to everyone in life is hogwash. Sure, consider all aspects of a person and try not to limit yourself, but first and foremost, the men we date absolutely need to float our boat.
That said, you need to know two things: You want more than just a sexual encounter, right?
But I still think this is a good place to start — or at least a place to understand and appreciate that there are muscled men who will appreciate you. Regarding which, the number one complaint of people who date people with fetishes is that, over time, they feel objectified and dehumanized. And incidentally? Now for the question: Maybe bi, but not gay. So my question is, should I ask him out, and if so, how should I go about it?
In person? There are plenty of potential pitfalls here and too many unknowns for me: Are you already out to this guy? Does this guy know your parents and, if so, would they be okay with things?